MY BATTLE WITH OBESITY
why am i fat? oh god, where to begin! i feel like i have always been overweight. i think it was only the age of 7 i started to notice i was a bit “chubbier” than the other kids in school. not by much, maybe 2kg, but of course my dad had to point it out. and the more he pointed it out, the more i ate. i remember at this age, getting food from the pantry and hiding it in my room. chocolate, chips… you name it! the noisier the wrapper the more likely i had it. my free time was spent carefully unwrapping these goodies, and consuming them out of sight.
i remember in primary school, my dad and i would always get lunch. funny i know, since i ate lunch at school, so really it was my “second lunch”. for a while we would go to the local shopping center, and get chinese food. honey chicken! ahh it was amazing. deep fried chicken, covered in batter and honey. then it closed down. it really was a devastating day for all (well mostly me), and soon the new after school favourite became chicken and chips. equally as good. i mean, who can go past chips?
when i look at the remainder of photos during my schooling years, i am fat. (i hate the word “fat” but i just think overweight is way too kind.) i hated the way i looked, but i was too lazy to do anything about it. my love of food trumped my yearn to lose weight. so i just continued with my unhealthy antics.
when i was about 14 (2007) i tried to change my weight. my mum and i joined a gym. we had to lie about my age. so yes, i was a 14 year old pretending to be a 16 year old. i still ate the same crappy food, just with an hour of exercise twice a week. look, it made zero difference because in my mind, going to the gym was an excuse to eat more food after the gym. so that whole notion failed!
it was when i was 16 (actually 16) (2009), i realised my weight had sky rocketed. my parents were fighting and a divorce was clearly looming. i turned to my good old friend food. i was and still am a savory girl. party pies became an easy fix as well as hashbrowns. 2 minutes in the microwave and they were ready to eat. i think by this stage i had just hit 100kg. i weighed myself one day, broke down, and then continued to eat. in my mind, change was just never going to happen, may aswell accept my fate and eat.
my year 10 formal photos had been uploaded to facebook that year and i finally realised how disgusting my weight had become. i think it was safe to say i was way over 115kgs, except i have no record of such a number because frankly, the scales now scared the shits out of me. i decided to cut back in general and a year later (2010) i actually weighed myself to find i was 105kg! i remember stepping onto the scales and praying i was under 100kg. well, it quite didn’t happen, but it gave me some short-lived motivation. for about a month i went to the gym every day but was too scared to weight myself - my mind plagued with the fear i had lost no weight for all that hardwork. instead, it was easier for my weightloss to remain unknown and soon enough i was back to eating my comfort food.
then we reached 2011. i decided to stop buying food from the school canteen, and bring healthier options. it lasted about a week. i told myself, this wasn’t the year. with my final exams i was too stressed to concentrate on food. plus, year 12 was also known for the 12kgs you are meant to gain that year not lose. year 12 came and went. and then it clicked.
i decided to join a gym and start my weightloss at in december 2011. i weighed myself to find i was 107.05kg. can’t say it was the best time to start with holiday season approaching! that month i lost nothing. i wasn’t planning to either. my nutrition was a joke, and i promised myself as soon as the new year came i would count those calories and i did.
the 1st of january 2012, saw my last slice of pizza and last mcdonalds meal. i thought i had to start my weightloss journey in typical ‘fat’ style! but after a few weeks i lost motivation. i found myself one day getting out of my car on my way to pick up thai takeaway, when someone driving past yelled out “fat”. i was so mortified! ashamed! they were right. here i am, trying to lose weight, on my way to pick up take-away! i quickly got in my car and drove home. from then on, i promised myself i would never turn back.
the truth is, we judge others by their physical appearance may it come to relationships, work, general day-to-day occurrences. i want to be healthy, happy and successful. and this is my journey to do just that.